I am so feeling down today. I can't believe my ex was so shit-faced! I am saddened that I have not seen Carmelo since last weekend. We talk/text everyday but I indeed miss him and I feel extremely lonely for some reason today. I can't help but question how loyal he is being to me...I understand that his hours have changed and we live almost 40 minutes apart so without me having a running vehicle and him working 10 hour days at weird hours it's really hard to work seeing him into the day but I am sickened by my own feelings of inadequacy and paranoia of him finding someone younger (his own age) plus pregnancy hormones! Ugh!
Anyway hopefully things will start getting better and HOPEFULLY our damn blazer will get fixed......the motor that's been sitting in the garage for over a damn month is there and ready to be put in so we can have reliable transportation. I'm beyond frustrated with that situation to say the least! Ugh damn this really sucks!
Okay well I decided to be honest with Carmelo when he called before before he went into work. I feel terrible because now he is kinda pissed at me. I feel sad because I just wanted him to know what had happened and how I handled it....he wanted me to change my number awhile back but I am not the primary on the account and that is just such a darn hassle. Anyway I told him that I was simply trying to do the right thing by being honest with him like I would want him to be with me. I hope he will come around and understand because I really do love him and want things to be good between us.
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