9:17pm Well he went on break almost an hour ago and didn't text of course...I didn't text him either although honestly I wanted to. I am going to limit contact and not make contact unless absolutely necessary....right now there is no necessity great enough to warrant contacting him and I hope there isn't at all right now. I need time to work on me and make myself stronger. I can't believe how much I've gained during my pregnancy! I have been careful at what and how much I eat and here I am almost 25 weeks and have gained 23lbs. That makes me feel like a fat, ugly, miserable cow honestly! This sucks! I'm grateful that baby is growing healthy and all but seeing the numbers on the scale go up depresses me more than I am already and it sucks! Okay I'm not going to throw myself a pity party or anything but I really am sad. Oh well...am about to eat some whole grain cheerios without sweetening them I guess.
I think I'm more bi-polar than I'd like to think or something hahaha! I feel so much better now. I mean I am still thinking of him but I'm not obsessively watching the clock thinking about when his break time comes...is he gonna text? blah blah blah...I know that worrying and stressing about it and beating myself up emotionally isn't going to change how he feels or doesn't feel. I love him, that's no doubt, but I feel seriously like everything happens for a reason. I know that he's been good on his word and helped out a lot financially already and is willing to give me money to buy whatever I need for Cami Jo now and she's not even here yet, he always says he loves her already and cares about her already...so when she's here I have faith that he'll be good to her. I can't deny to myself that I wish he felt the same about me and being my life partner but obviously he doesn't and that's a fact that I have to be okay with.
Thank God for long hot showers and middle of the day naps hahahaha! Oh yeah and apple butter, just ate a piece of bread with a little bit of apple butter (first time I ever tasted it) and it was goooooooooooooood! Yeeeah for feeling better...(okay I know I'm a dork but if it works, work it! right? hahaha)
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