I'm losing it!!

Okay so I'm totally and completely losing it! I am feeling extremely low and if it wasn't for Cami being inside me I wouldn't hesitate to end my misery right now! I can't hurt myself because in turn it will be hurting her and she doesn't deserve that. He fucking shut his phone off and left it off all during his break! I'm devastated and pissed at myself for allowing myself to sink down low enough to contact him. I pray he doesn't change phone numbers because I won't have anyway to get ahold of him...my biggest fear is that he is going to bail on Cami since he threw me away like garbage so easily. He sees me as a fat, ugly, old, useless, less of a woman. He hasn't exactly said this but yeah it's obvious and I'm beyond devastated! I will probably never meet anyone else because I don't go out and mingle with people, I have no friends, no life, I just want to crawl into a hole and die! I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to endure this heartache. He'll never come back to me, I'm not good enough for him. I don't know why he would lie to me about cheating...I get that he doesn't want to be with me so he thought that would push me away. Sadly it didn't...I just want his love and acceptance. I'm beyond devastated and i don't think I can't continue on!