miserable

Well I'm feeling miserable and lonely and like I want to lash out and hurt Carmelo as bad as I'm hurting. We talked today and he admitted that he never did cheat on me but that he only said that because he doesn't care about me or love me or want to be "trapped" with me! Fuck that! That really hurt me bad!

I feel strong mostly but I am devastated in all reality. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me but I really do love Carmelo. I'm sick of always getting the short end of the stick in life. It's bullshit and it sucks really bad! I don't like feeling sorry for myself but seriously how much is one woman expected to take/deal with, and keep on trucking with her head held high? I'm sick of doing the right thing, sick of trying, sick of being positive or always trying to be. I'm ready for it to be about me...have someone actually devote themselves to me  the way Oscar did. Now all is different because I'm having a child and I know I shouldn't even allow these thoughts to get to me but I can't be strong all of the time. I feel like I'm losing it and I can't stop this misery!