wow

Okay I have no choice to accept what has to be....but my heart is aching pretty badly. I went ahead and deleted our pics from FB because it's too hard to look at them. I need  to change my profile pic on here as well. I love Carmelo though sometimes my heart isn't really all in it but it sucks to be dumped and to hear those words from someone I'm having my baby with. I have to respect his feelings and I sure don't want to "guilt" him  into changing his mind. As much as I really wanted us to be together I don't doubt that he'll be a good daddy to our little Cami Jo but I wanted him for me as well. I know he's very young, and it's sad and pathetic that I will still take him back...though truth be told I've cheated on him with Oscar but 7 years was hard to forget about...since I was confused I have to accept and realize that everyone is entitled to be confused, have doubts, and feel whatever they do or don't in this case. The old me would have made an excuse and ran to get coke....I know I've changed sooooooooo much because I can't even fathom doing that now. I got the support of my beautiful wonderful sister and mother and BIL...my sis came to have "girl talk" with me and needless to say I'm feeling much better....I feel better having gotten it out. I am strong and have been through a hell of a lot....that crap didn't break me so a little heartbreak sure isn't going to. Especially since I got such a beautiful unexpected blessing out of being with him! I can't wait to hold my baby girl in my arms, I may still be sorrowful if indeed this is permanent but at least seeing her I'll be able to remember over and over again that it was all well worth it!